This Is How I MomSolving the puzzle of motherhood one piece at a time

I think this will be the last postpartum update. It took 9 months to bake a kid, and it took 9 months to get (mostly) back to normal. I might do a 12-month one, provided my body changes more, but it’s unlikely.

I weighed in this month at 129.4lbs, which means I lost about 4lbs since my 7-month update. I really had to crack down and adjust my diet to see continued results, so 2lbs/month is pretty good in my book. I would like to lose another 4, but I fit into most of my old clothes (minus some jeans) and I don’t think I look too bad. I’ve upped my exercise/strength training routines and things are definitely falling into place.

I still get the random agonizing backaches that I never had prior to giving birth. I definitely relate them to either my body being stretched out of whack during pregnancy or the epidural I received in the hospital. I haven’t seen a doctor for it though, as the frequency has dramatically reduced.

It always amazes me that at the hospital I thought my 8-pound baby was heavy to pick up and carry around and – in my Percocet-induced awkward state of mind – wondered how I would manage to always, always hold and carry him if it makes my arms hurt so much. He’s now weighing in at 23lbs and while I objectively know that he’s pretty heavy, he doesn’t really feel that heavy to me. Definite mommy guns at work, there!

This is me at 9 months postpartum. Not the best pictures, but it’s been a busy month – we took Logan to Yellowstone! (next post will be about that) – and you get the idea.

and feelin’ good! The move really took a lot of energy out of me this month, but I’m happy it’s over. I’m still working on feeling “normal”, but it’s a little better every month. Once I get those last pesky pounds off, I think I’ll be much happier. I know I’m not defined by my weight, but I just don’t feel quite right in my skin when I’m not at a certain weight, if that makes any sense.

Weight loss has been slow this month. I weighed in at 133.7, which means I only lost one pound in May. Still, I DID lose weight and my size 6 pants are getting more loose, so I’ll take it.

I’ve had little appetite lately and some nausea after dinner, so I’ve automatically been eating less. My sweet tooth has been pretty kind and less prominent too, which helps. My exercise still primarily consists of lugging Logan around, lugging Logan up the stairs, lugging Logan down the stairs, taking walks with Logan and running errands with Logan. Oh, and then there’s situps and pushups. Pretty bland, but as busy as life has been lately, I don’t feel at all bad about lounging on the couch with my family instead of running in the rain.

In June, I’m aiming to get at least one or two good hikes in. Seeing as this is my bedroom window view, it shouldn’t be too hard…

Little bugger is still doing great, and I can’t believe how big he’s getting!

I do think getting more sleep would help a lot with my physical well-being, but I know that eventually things will get much better. For now, I just try my best not to fall asleep on the nursery floor for our 2am playdates.

Time sure flies! Logan is 6 months and a week old, which means it’s been 6 months since I had a baby. Eek! Actually, I feel pretty good about it. Many mothers say that by 6 months, they found a new semblance of “normal” and felt more comfortable as far as their body goes, too.

In my unrealistic hopes and dreams pre-baby, I thought I’d for sure be back to my pre-baby size by 3 or 4 months postpartum. Hahahah. Yeah right. I’ve now adapted the more realistic approach of “it took me 9 months to put on 60 pounds, it might just take me 9 months to lose it”.

Anyway, this is what we’re currently at. First picture was taking 2 weeks postpartum at about 157lbs. Second picture was taken about 3 days ago, at 6 months postpartum and 134lbs. I still want to lose about 10-15lbs more, but I’m definitely starting to be happy with myself again.

Logan has been plagued by lots of night wakings in the past 2 weeks, so I’m not quite as alert and relaxed as I’d like to, but I know it’s a phase and I’ve actually completely gotten over my fears of waking up with the baby at night. It happens, I do it, we both get back to sleep. Last night we were up for a good 3 hours with 10-minute breaks in between, and I admit I was a little annoyed the first hour, but then we just dealt with it.

In the morning, it was all forgotten and there was much love. <3

We’re moving this Saturday, so things are pretty stressful and busy over here, but also very exciting! I really hope Logan will like his new environment, but then again, it can’t really get much worse than it is now as far as night wakings go, so I’m prepared.

…and feeling pretty spiffy!

Emotionally, I am (and have been) pretty much back to normal. I’m a very emotionally stable person and not used to random bouts of crying and all the less than pleasant emotions that early motherhood brought with it and I’m very glad I got through it.

My husband and I have put our sleep schedules back together and I get up at night with the baby, while my husband gets him when he wakes up for the day after 5:30am. This gives me a chance to catch up on sleep I might’ve missed if Logan has a night waking. It’s been working out pretty well since we made the change 2 weeks ago, though Logan has been waking up at night the past 2 nights and been rather crabby too, which always takes a toll on me. Regardless, it is nice to have my husband around again and spend more time together.

I do bring the baby to bed by myself now, which is usually relaxing and easy, but the past two nights has been hard. Even though he’s tired, he just won’t go to bed! I digress. Physically, apart from the sometimes iffy sleep that motherhood brings with it, I feel pretty good.

The scale, as of yesterday, said 137.2, which is about 10-15lbs away from what I ultimately want to get back to. I’d probably be pretty happy at 127. Looking at myself naked is becoming a lot more bearable. I still have a bit of a jelly belly, but it’s much tighter than it was even 2 weeks ago and my shape is definitely coming back.

I feel pretty strong, though I haven’t started a gym routine back up. We’re thinking about it though, we just have to fit it into our schedule and decide to trust the gym daycare service… which I can’t deny I’m a little weary of.

Logan is probably going on 19lbs and my arm strength is definitely better than ever thanks to him. He spends a good part of his days attached to me via the ergo or me holding him, and it’s a pretty good workout. Since the weather has been getting slightly better, we’ve been taking more walks as well, and my husband comes with us now! It’s definitely a nice change of pace.

I’ve also been getting some work from home done, but since getting back into my job would require a full-time time investment and one of us has to be there for the baby, it’s not feasible. My husband has always had the main income and mine was a nice extra, so it makes more sense for him to continue growing his career and me to take a break. I am however consistently trying to improve my photography and want to see if I can take that from a hobby to an income at some point in the future.

So, in short, things are going well! The only thing I’m still working on is my weight, but I’ve been making good improvements on that front. Life with a baby is ever-evolving, of course, and I don’t think I’ll ever have all the answers, but we’re doing the best we can!

Another month has passed, and there hasn’t been terribly much change – but some. I think I went from 147 to 142lbs this month and most of my postpartum pain is gone. I had some terrible sciatic nerve pain for about 2-3 months postpartum, and I’m glad to report that it’s gotten much better. Thank you, body. I appreciate it. There are still some days where I move in all the wrong ways and send some shooting pains all the way down my left leg, but that used to be EVERY day. *knock on wood*

I’m starting to feel pretty strong again. I can walk, I can run (though I run out of breath pretty more quickly than I used to), I can run errands, I can lift (WAY better than I used to… thank you, ~17lbs baby), I have some time to myself while baby naps, I’m emotionally stable, I’m completely in love with my family, I’m comfortable going out in public with baby… in short, things are going pretty well.

My postpartum depression peaked around 6 weeks and then got gradually better. Whether it has to do with the hormonal birth control, the supplements or just got better by itself, I’m very thankful for it. I was not doing well those first two months. Logan becoming more predictable helped a lot, and re-evaluating my expectations did too. Rather than yearning for some semblance of my old life, I accepted my new life and embraced how things are going to be from now on.

I learned to be ok with the fact that Logan now runs this place. I learned to plan my days differently and keeping an open mind as to the schedule. As Logan became more interactive and happy, I fell more and more in love with him. Mothering turned from a new, demanding job that I didn’t know how to feel about yet into something I look forward to every single day. Even the worst days become happy when my baby smiles at me.

We haven’t figured out how to get back into the gym yet, but since I’m still steadily losing weight and getting quite a lot of “unintentional” exercise anyway, we’re in no rush. I think the gym daycare here doesn’t accept infants under 6 months, anyway.

I’m starting to put more effort into myself again. When I go out, I do my hair and make up and dress up. I shower daily (though I’ve always done that, anyway. I was lucky enough to have people to watch the baby while I took 20 minutes off), I put on make up every morning (not for other people or social pressure, but because I want to) and I try to generally wear nice clothes that work on my current body.

My collar bones have resurfaced, as well as my hipbones. I’m kind of like a kid in a candy store with bones – I like touching them. Probably because I was overweight for most of my life. Of course, touching them limited to when I’m alone. I can do without looking like a freak in public, haha.

All in all, I’m happy. If I keep losing about 4lbs a month, I should feel like a champ at 6 months postpartum. At least, I truly hope so. My goal is to be back at my pre-pregnancy weight by the time Logan turns 9 months old – that gives me 5 months to lose about 17 lbs. Totally doable.

On March 2nd, I’ve scheduled a haircut appointment. This is my first haircut since August 2011, and I’m so glad I made it. I’ve been shedding like a dog lately, and getting a hair trim and layers will help a lot. Besides, I always feel like a new woman after getting a haircut.

So, there you have it. That’s me 4 months postpartum. In most aspects of my life I’m back to normal, and those few “wonky” months of my life were totally worth it for my baby boy.

I’ve been avoiding this post, I really have… but what’s the point, really? It is what it is.

I’ve not been so lucky as it seems most of the recently-turned-mommy bloggers that I follow are. At three months postpartum, I’ve lost 35 pounds of the glorious pregnancy-60 I gained. I know, you’re not impressed. Neither am I. When I realized I’d gained 60, I figured “hey, I’m breastfeeding anyway, that’ll help me lose a lot!” Foiled. Stopped breastfeeding 3 weeks in due to low supply. Then I figured “Well, I stopped breastfeeding, now I can diet!” and so I have. At a pace of about 1 pound per week on a fairly strict diet, all the while lugging around a 15-pound baby.

It could be worse really, I’m seeing a consistent decline in weight.. I just somehow I always thought I’d be one of the lucky ones that either doesn’t gain much or loses it fairly effortlessly. But that’s enough dwelling on the bad. Here’s the good!

• I currently sit at 147.2lbs, which is still a good 20 pounds over what I’m comfortable with, but I’m chipping away at it.

• I am starting to fit back into size 6 jeans! There’s still a muffin top, so I’m sticking with my 8s for now.. but hey, they close! I’ll get back to size 4 eventually.

• My face doesn’t really reflect my poundage. When I originally lost weight, my face was a lot chubbier and I didn’t see near as many bones on my body as I do now. The double chin only makes an appearance from very, very unfortunate angles.

• I actually don’t mind my shape. Yep, there’s excess poundage, but given the right clothes, I’m pretty shapely.

• No back fat! One of the things that I hated the most about being overweight back in the day did not make a return.

• I feel the muscle in my arms and abs, it’s just covered by a layer of chub. Regardless, it’s there, waiting to be uncovered!

So all in all, I’m really not doing that badly. By summer, I should be back in my size 4s I hope! While I do have full body weight comparison shots, I won’t post them yet. I’ll post a comparison when I’m happy with myself, because really – I don’t need to dwell on how poofy I am – I just need to work on it. Take these pictures instead.

Could be much worse.

It seems that Logan’s growth spurt only lasted two days, as yesterday he was back to his normal sleep pattern and amiable self. My sciatica was extremely bad yesterday, so even taking him out for 10 minutes to enjoy his first big snowfall was quite the adventure. The rest of the day we mostly spent cuddling. I always feel bad when I’m not always on-the-go showing him things and entertaining him 24/7, but some days, that’s just not possible. He didn’t actually seem to mind too much. He got a lot of tummy-to-tummy time, which I’m sure our pedi would be happy about.

My sciatica makes sitting, standing and walking very uncomfortable – there’s a dull, constant pain when I engage in any of these activities – and if I take a wrong step or go up the stairs the wrong way, I get shooting pains. Only lying down alleviates it, which would be easy enough to do if it wasn’t for the almost-3-months-old inquisitive little guy I spend my days with.

My husband actually cooked for me yesterday. This is a big deal. No, really. Not cause he doesn’t usually want to – I don’t let him cook normally. Since we’ve met, this is approximately exactly the second time he’s cooked for me, which really emphasizes how crappy I felt. We had a grand ole meal of Swedish meatballs and bagged mashed potatoes, but hey, it was edible and afterwards I was full. Sometimes, that’s really all that matters. On the plus side, it had more protein than, say, eating chocolate all day long. Barely.

I don’t really know where to go from here. My research said that sciatica usually resolves itself within 6 weeks, but if it hasn’t, to go see a doctor or a chiropractor. Mine’s been present since I gave birth almost 12 weeks ago and if anything it’s gotten worse. I think once the snow/ice slush melts off, I might have to give in and go see a doc. Until then, I’ll just have to creatively use my left leg as little as possible.

Our snow-mageddon is slowly turning into a death trap, as ice rain keeps coming down on top of it. I don’t even think you need a sleigh to sled on it right now.

On the whole, it looks to be another relaxing, tummy-to-tummy time day. I hope the little one plays along. Maybe if I promise him he doesn’t have to go back to the cold place.

I’m not entirely sure how I got sciatica by giving birth, but since it’s getting worse and worse, there’s really no way for me to deny it any longer. Last night, I accidentally bonked my left leg against an arm chair in my bedroom. It must’ve given the nerve a big ole squish, as I yelped and keeled over on the bed in pain. I then had to call my husband so he could finish bringing me to bed, since there was no way I was getting back up, or even all the way onto the bed.

No good.

The pain’s gone from “ow-in-lower-back-when-bending-over” to basically “ow-in-back-butt-and-leg-while-existing”, which isn’t the most convenient thing ever when lugging around a 15 pound baby all day long.

I suppose a visit to a chiropractor and/or doc is in my near future.

In the meantime, I’ll take it easy and go snuggle with this cutiepie:

I started my pregnancy at 125 pounds.. which is slightly more than my happy weight (120), but a certainly acceptable weight range. I ended my pregnancy at around 180 pounds… which is a much, much less acceptable weight range and definitely nowhere near my happy weight. In fact, that’s almost as much as I weighed back in my teens, when I decided I’d had enough of being chubby.

I dropped quite a bit in the first two post-partum weeks. The first time I weighed myself at 4 weeks PP I was down to 157 pounds. Now, at 9 weeks PP, I am down to 149 pounds and I’m going pretty reliably at 1 pound a week. However, this is not the ‘effortless’ weight loss I had envisioned. I am eating around 1200-1400 calories a day and I get a lot of exercise due to the little bean and his needs. This is pretty hard work. The only upside is that the weeks pass by pretty quickly and usually I have little time to eat anyway, so the weight loss seems decently fast.

Another plus is that my body weight is distributed totally different than how it was when I was at my high weight in my teens. I don’t look like a blob, I actually have a pretty good shape.. with a few extra pounds for my liking. It’s pretty hard to believe that I do weigh almost 150 pounds – if I ventured a guess, I would’ve said I’m between 130-140. Which is a great thing! It might mean I could feel pretty good about myself when I’m *actually* between 130 and 140. At current speed, that should take me until about… March. But with this cute little bundle, March is only a blink of an eye away.

I can’t wait to see how much he’ll have grown and changed by March!

On another note, the little guy is getting his 2-month shots tomorrow. I’m keeping the tylenol ready… but I’m scared. He’s such a peaceful, happy, inquisitive little guy.. I hate to see him unhappy and in pain.