There are a lot of things I’m not sorry for as a mother. I’m not sorry I chose to get an epidural even though I wanted to try unmedicated. I’m not sorry I chose to bed-share even though I’d planned to have him sleep in his co-sleeper and then transition him to the crib. I’m not sorry I hated pumping and refused to pump so the only milk provider in the house was me. I’m not sorry I spent so many afternoons when he was a baby napping alongside him when I could have been doing housework.
Because the choices I made were those every mother has to make. Some were made out of conviction, some were made out of convenience, and some were made solely with the intent to survive another day.
But do you know want to know what I’m really, really not sorry about? Like, not even a tiny bit? I’m not sorry that I focus so much on my nuclear family and have chosen to be more selective of the time I spend with extended family and friends. I’m not sorry I don’t disrupt my sons schedule to do dinner parties every weekend or attend every single social event for more than our son can handle because someone feels we’re obligated to attend. I’m not sorry I requested people come to my home if they wanted to see my son for the first few months instead of trying to make it work between naps at their place to spare their feelings. I’m not sorry his schedule became our schedule. I’m not sorry I value making memories with my husband and son more than making memories with others. I’m not sorry our choices as parents are sometimes in stark contrast to what our own family has done in the past or what our friends or peers are doing now.
I’m not sorry- even if that makes people feel like I’m cold or heartless or restrictive or over the top. I’m not sorry and won’t apologize for my actions. I’m not sorry and won’t be made to feel guilty about it.
I’m not sorry. My family comes first. My son comes first. Always.
I’m not sorry. Not even a little bit.